Mother's Intuition
by ElisaCollette
Summary: Emily can't forget her desire to be a mother. She can't shake the feeling that something is missing. With JJ's life moving into its next stages of marriage and family, Emily finds herself making life-altering decisions.
1. Beginnings

This is something I've just been throwing around in my head for a long time and it seems to have now come together in a way I like.

Most of the characters you will recognize from the "Criminal Minds" and two other shows – they are not mine! Sophie, Daisy, and Peter (Jareau) some will recognize from "Higher Ground". That's a whole different story but in essence Peter and Sophie adopted JJ and Daisy and moved to Pennsylvania when they were young teenagers. The best-friend Tru (and her husband Luke) are from "Tru Calling," another show where AJ Cook was a title character. Otherwise, the characters are original. Also, I've ignored the fact that Haley and Hotch are broken up in the show.

I hope you enjoy – please let me know if you do – It helps my writing move along quicker.

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Chapter 1 – Beginnings

"All women become like their mothers.

That is their tragedy.

No man does. That's his."

Oscar Wilde

His words had haunted her for months. She knew well that she shouldn't have been thinking about taking Carrie home, but Emily could feel her biological clock ticking. It was practically screaming at her, begging for an outlet. She knew her career made it unfair to bring a child into her life; but that didn't stop her from wishing for it. She was able to keep herself busy through work and frequent outings with JJ and Garcia, but there were still evenings when her boss's insensitive remarks echoed in her head and she wondered if she was capable of ever being a mother.

After all, she hadn't the best model for mother-of-the-year during her own childhood. Elizabeth Prentiss had taught her daughter French, Spanish, Russian, and Arabic. She had taught Emily that ladies never sat with their legs crossed. Crying was a sign of weakness. Laughing was improper in most cases. All these things had been engrained in Emily from birth. Never once had Elizabeth Prentiss offered her daughter a glimpse of what it meant to be a good mother.

Maybe it didn't matter. Emily had never been taught to be a maid of honor; but that hadn't stopped JJ from talking her into it. That was how she found herself on a plane to JJ's hometown in Pennsylvania. Garcia and Morgan were sleeping one row over while Haley had taken Jack to the restroom. Reid was on her right side, playing chess with himself, while Hotch sat to her left, pretending to watch the in-flight movie. Somehow he had convinced the Bureau to give the entire team more than a week of vacation time to enjoy JJ's wedding and the surrounding festivities. And there were festivities. Emily couldn't believe the list JJ had sent to her hand-held.

They were meeting JJ at the airport and driving with her to where they would be staying. They were fine with staying in a hotel but JJ had said that it was too impersonal and too much like work. Instead, she had arranged for them to stay with one of her best friends. Samantha Evans was a friend from high school who lived only two miles from her parents' home. Apparently, she had lots of superfluous room.

Superfluous was not exactly the word. Emily knew what it meant to be rich. Despite that small fact, she gasped when they pulled into the driveway of the home where they would be staying. "Well this is fancy," Garcia said in awe.

"You've got that right, baby girl," Morgan said with a shake of his head. They had been told that JJ was loaded; but he never realized what that meant until he was sitting in front of a several hundred million dollar mansion.

"Girl, we always knew Prentiss was rich. We didn't realize you were in the club," Morgan said as he stepped out of the car and hugged a waiting JJ.

"My parents are wealthy. But nothing like this. This is Dr. Samantha Evans' home. She was one of my best friends through high school and college. Let me introduce you. Come on," she said, waving them along. Emily picked up one of her bags but JJ shook her head. "Leave it. Just come." The door was opened before they reached the stairs and they were greeted by a young brunette woman who immediately hugged JJ. "You saw me yesterday," JJ objected with a laugh.

"For the first time in years. I'm taking advantage where I can get it," the woman answered with a smile. JJ turned back to her friends and coworkers. "Samantha Evans, this is Aaron Hotchner, his wife Haley and their son Jack. This is Penelope Garcia, Dr. Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan, and Emily Prentiss. David Rossi will be coming in a few days."

"Welcome," Samantha said, stepping aside and allowing them into the house. "Please come in. It's a pleasure to meet you. I've heard so much about you over the years."

"Really? Because the statistics on friends staying in touch after college are very low. And with JJ's hours and your obvious scholarly efforts, in that you're a doctor, indicate—"

"My IQ is five points higher than yours Dr. Reid," Samantha said, lightly stopping his spiel in its tracks. She moved on gracefully to shake Derek's hand. Spencer looked at JJ,

"You told her my IQ?" He asked, aghast and confused.

"I was curious about the comparison. But she wouldn't tell me hers until I told her yours," JJ said with a grin. "She's smarter. And I'm still better than you at Gin." She laughed good naturedly and left Spencer Reid to ponder these new facts. Samantha showed them to the guest rooms and told that dinner would be ready in an hour. Emily sank into the soft queen-sized bed as soon as the door was 

closed. The room was elegant and warm from the rich wall color to the fresh flowers on the vanity. After resting for a few moments, she rustled through the suitcase that had been brought to her room and began dressing for dinner.

Forty five minutes later, she was walking into the hallway looking fresh and feeling much better. A soft black skirt flirted just above her knees while her jewel-toned blue sweater magnified the color of her eyes. The heels of her black Givenchy shoes sank into the soft carpet as she turned to close her door. She caught sight of Reid about to descend the stairs.

"Oh, Reid," she said in horror. He was still wearing the same travel-worn clothes that he'd put on that morning.

"Emily," he said happily. "You look – wow." It was all the genius could say.

"Thanks Reid," she said with a grin. "Now we just need to work on you." He looked confusingly down at his clothes.

"What's wrong with me?"

"Oh, honey, we don't that kind of time," Emily said flippantly. "but we do have time for you to change clothing. Collared shirt – no bow tie – no vest – no jeans."

"To have dinner with JJ's family?" Emily gave him a look that said he should stop arguing and start changing. Minutes later, he reappeared in slacks and a long-sleeved polo shirt. Emily nodded her approval and walked with him down to the dining room.They found Hotch and Haley already waiting, he in a shirt and tie and she in a subdued dress that was both simple and elegant. JJ smiled at Emily and Reid and showed them to their seats. They were joined by and introduced to JJ's parent, her sister Daisy, Daisy's husband, and two of her good friends from college – Tru and Emma.

"Em, you look wonderful," JJ whispered, "and I'm glad I'm not the only one who wore expensive shoes." Emily smirked and thanked JJ. She was feeling fairly good; it had been a mostly calm day and they were looking at a week ahead with no hint of violence.

Once everyone was seated and the wine was poured – mineral water for JJ of course – Will stood before them and offered a toast. "I want to thank all of you for coming. I can't tell you how happy I am to be sharing this time with all of you. I never imagined after the hurricane that I would have a family again. And it humbles me and brings me great joy to enter into this one. Almost as much as it delights me that a week from today, JJ and I will be married and beginning a new branch of the family. To family."

He raised his glass and they all toasted. The remainder of the dinner was quiet, despite one conversation that amused them all greatly. It came toward the end of the evening, when desert was being served.

"We were both on the newspaper," Samantha stated.

"I can see that," Morgan nodded.

"Well, Samantha wrote when she could. But I was the editor in chief," JJ corrected.

"I'm sorry I didn't participate more, chief. I had a three-year-old and a husband."

"Excuses, excuses," JJ scolding jokingly.

"Do you have an eidetic memory?" Spencer asked abruptly, changing the conversation.

"And a photographic one," Samantha answered.

"Can I ask home many words you read per minute?"

"30,000," Samantha said lightly. "I think we should move on, Dr. Reid. I only have one PhD to your three. There you go – that should make you feel better." He did look momentarily comforted.

"She's also had five kids during that time," JJ teased.

"Jennie, stop," Sophie Jareau said lightly, feeling badly for the poor boy who was turning red. She speared a grape before speaking again. "You're all invited to the picnic Peter and I are hosting on Wednesday. I suppose it's the closest we're going to get to an engagement party," Sophie said good-naturedly, eyeing her daughter.

"Yes it is. And they already knew. I sent them the list on their hand-helds." Sophie shook her head, dismayed at the technology. The dinner ended quietly, with Peter Jareau offering to show them around town while JJ and Samantha opted out. They decided to take a walk around the grounds instead and enjoy the late summer evening.

"Do you mind if I join you?" Emily asked, not sure she wanted to get back into a car after the long day of travel.

"Not at all," Samantha said as JJ answered,

"That would nice." The three women changed into jeans and sweaters and started off. Emily let herself drift away as she followed the other women through the estate's gardens, woods, and lawns. She has stayed in placed like these as a child and she would wander into the gardens and imagine herself a princess who was being imprisoned by an evil monster. Those daydreams had helped her escape many of her mother's tirades about impropriety.

"What do you think Em?" JJ's question knocked her abck into the current reality.

"I'm sorry?"

"I asked if you wanted to walk any further. Samantha's heading back but I think I'm going to stay out for a little while."

"I'd like to stay," Emily answered with a hesitant smile, not sure that she had yet shaken the dazed look. Samantha made them promise to be careful and then began walking back toward her home.

"It's beautiful here."

"I've always loved it," JJ agreed. "Are you okay, you seem distracted?"

"I'm just giving my brain a little time off, I guess," Emily said with another half-hearted smile. "I'm fine – really. What does your friend Samantha do?"

"She is a professor of English over at the University," JJ answered. "She has five kids."

"Five kids." Emily repeated it in disbelief.

"Don't worry. She started early," JJ assured her. "She also is the founder of an orphanage on the outskirts of town. She started it years ago, right after high school. She traveled the world and used the best models she could find. She does wonderful things for those kids. My mom and dad both volunteer there. I'd like to stop in before the week is out."

"I wouldn't mind taking a peek myself. I always admire people who can help those kids. It's so sad, to imagine having no one left in your life to take care of you. Especially when you're young and impressionable. And so innocent." JJ stopped walking and looked at her friend.

"Emily. Calm down. We're on vacation. At least try to relax."

"Would you believe that this is me relaxing?"

"Yes," JJ said with a laugh. She put her arm around the older woman and they began to walk again. "Which is exactly why I'm insisting that you join me at the spa tomorrow."


	2. Evening Encounters

Thank you to "lacrossegirl1097" and "egoofy34" for their kind reviews. I'm really very attached to this story and so I hope all of you who are reading enjoy it too. Please let me know! Please let me know what you think, what surprises you, what you would like to see, etc. All feedback and welcome and appreciated.

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**God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. Jewish Proverb**

Chapter 2 – Evening Encounter

They did spend the next day at the spa. Emily actually found herself with an empty mind for the first time in as long as she could remember. Of course, that ended with the onslaught of stimulation from the outside world. Still, she enjoyed the day spent with JJ, Haley, Garcia, and a few of JJ's friends from home. When they were back in the car that afternoon, JJ mentioned to Samantha that they were both interested in seeing the orphanage. Hailey said it was fine; she didn't mind going along.

They drove up a road that Emily soon realized was a private driveway. The orphanage was a large mansion that had obviously been rebuilt and enlarged. "Brent and I purchased it at auction and were going to sell it again, but when we decided to open the orphanage, this seemed like the perfect place. The grounds are extensive. We have fields, gardens, a swimming pool, tennis and basketball courts, and plenty of room left over."

"How many children do you house here?" Emily asked as they climbed out of the car.

"50-100. Our staff is extensive, so we could take more, but we also have a high rate of placement, so the turnover among the younger children is large," Samantha answered. "The house is split into age levels. Under 3, the children stay in nurseries with round-the-clock nurses, teachers, and aides. Under 8, they stay in dormitory type rooms and it's run much like a school. Once they reach the 

age of 8, they have option of receiving their own room and they follow a daily schedule. They are expected to take care of their space and they have responsibilities here and at school. We have a dance studio, 12 different play rooms and classroom areas, and an indoor gymnasium."

They took a tour around the campus, stopping in the dance studio to see JJ's mother, the vibrant and extremely youthful Sophie Jareau. She taught the youngest dances classes each week in addition to leading one of the counseling groups with her husband. Retirement, she had explained to JJ's coworkers the night before, was not her style. As they walked through the large estate, Emily and Haley were both stunned to see the wonderful things that were going on around them. Children were everywhere, practicing instruments in one room, building a Lego city in another, and even playing basketball in the large indoor practice court. They ended their tour in the dining room where Samantha invited them to eat with her and the children.

"Would anyone like to take a walk around the grounds?" Samantha asked, after they had finished their meal.

"I would love to," JJ said honestly, "But I'm beat. I don't know if I'm even going to make it back to the car."

"That's because you're doing too much," Samantha chided. She had been hovering over JJ like a second mother since she'd found out that her engaged friend was also with child.

"I'd like to take a look around," Emily said.

"You would probably get the best tour from one of our older kids," Samantha said thoughtfully, looking around the room. She spotted the person she wanted and stood. "I'll be right back." Samantha walked back toward them with a young girl of about 15 who smiled as she stuck out her hand to shake Emily's.

"Good afternoon ma'am. My name is Kate. I'd love to show you around the campus."

"As long as you never call me ma'am again, we have a deal," Emily said with a smile, "please call me Emily." They were about to walk out of the dining hall when Samantha stopped them.

"Katie, why don't you ask Ella if she'd like to go? Miss Mary said she hasn't been out all day."

"I don't think she'd want to go, Dr. Evans," Katie said quickly, looking almost angrily at Samantha.

"We should at least ask," Emily said helpfully. Katie smiled at Emily, a smile that never reached her eyes, and then walked toward a little girl - much younger than Katie - who was sitting alone at a table, reading a book. Emily saw that it was one of her own childhood favorites – Little House on the Prairie. Although she would never admit it now, there was a time when she thought she would have been much happier as the daughter of a poor farmer than the daughter of a rich ambassador.

"Ella, do you want to go on a walk with me and Ms. Prentiss?" Katie asked the question harshly, without warning the young girl. Ella looked up at them, just seeming to realize their presence. Her eyes showed clear fear and anxiety. She looked down at the table without speaking or acknowledging the question. Katie looked at Emily with an "I told her so" expression. "We asked," she said, turning to leave. Emily put up a finger, signaling her to wait. She sat next to the small child and placed a hand on the discarded book.

"This was one of my favorites when I was your age," Emily informed Ella, who was still hiding her eyes. "My favorite part was when Laura went to her first dance."

"That was in Little House in the Big Woods," the little girl corrected her in a whisper.

"I didn't realize," Emily said with a small smile; of course she had. "Thank you. So your name is Ella?" Ella nodded, peaking at Emily using her peripheral vision.

"Well, Ella, my name is Emily. And I would love for you to come on the tour with me. Katie is going to show me around, but I've never even been to Pennsylvania before, so I think that I could use two tour guides. What do you say?" Emily offered her hand and waited. Ella turned to study Emily's face and eventually grasped her outstretched hand. The two girls walked with Emily around the grounds with Katie talking constantly and Ella continuing to hold on to Emily's hand for dear life.

"That's the pool," Katie said, pointing to a fenced-in area. "It closes at dusk. Apparently Dr. Evans has never heard of night swimming." Emily smiled; she was definitely that sarcastic when she was fifteen – if not more so.

"Do you girls like to swim?"

"I do," Katie chirped. Ella shook her head. Katie saw her and sighed. "Ella doesn't like to do anything."

"I like to read," the little girl said in protest; it was the loudest and most forceful thing she'd said.

"Reading is a great thing," Emily answered. "Do you like to read, Katie?"

"No."

"What do you like to do?"

"Dance. It's my favorite. I have dance after school every day. I'm going to be a dancer some day."

"That's wonderful," Emily answered. She looked down at the smaller girl, "Do you like to dance, Ella?" Katie laughed and Ella's face melted into a frown. "What's funny?" Emily asked quickly.

"Ella's a klutz," Katie said.

"Some of the best people I know are klutzes," Emily announced compassionately. Katie scoffed but Ella looked up at her hopefully. "I was always lacking in the grace department. When I was just about Ella's age I fell off a horse and broke my collarbone. I can tell you," she said, her eyes open wide and her mouth forming a mischievous smile, "it was not the horse's fault!" Ella smiled at Emily and they had to walk faster to keep up with Katie, who was walking ahead and ignoring them.

"And we're back at the house," Katie said triumphantly. "It was nice to meet you, Ms. Prentiss."

"Nice to meet you too, Katie," Emily said politely as the teen disappeared into the back door. She wandered back a bit and sat on a bench near the kitchen garden. Ella followed her and sat facing the opposite direction.

"This is a beautiful place," Emily said dreamily, looking at the expanse of green that lay before them. "Do you like it here, Ella?"

"I think so."

"How old are you?"

"Nine," she answered quickly, eyes staring into the distance.

"How depressing," Emily said suddenly. "I just realized that I am very old. I am four times your age."

"You don't look old," Ella said helpfully.

"Well, you are a sweetheart. Thank you. And since you were so kind to me, I'll tell you a secret." Ella looked up at Emily, waiting. "Reading is my favorite thing to do too. And when I was your age, and even a little older, people used to tease me about it." Ella bit her bottom lip and looked away; Emily knew she had struck a nerve. "But those people were wrong. Because I have a great job and went to a good college – and that all starts with reading. Don't ever be ashamed of being smart."

"I'm sorry. I have to go in. It's time for bed." Emily looked at her watch – it was barely 7:30.

"Okay," she said evenly. "Thank you for walking with me. I enjoyed talking to you."

"Thank you," Ella said quietly, venturing one more timid smile at Emily before she disappeared. When Emily found her way back to the dining hall she found JJ, Samantha, and Haley still sitting with their coffee and tea. She accepted a cup of coffee from a server and joined them.

"You have a beautiful place here," Emily said to Samantha.

"Thank you," Samantha said briskly, obviously interested in other topics, "Did you speak to Ella?"

"Wasn't I supposed to?"

"Did she speak to you?"

"A bit," Emily said, taking a sip of her coffee. "Why?"

"Ella doesn't speak to anyone. I've known her since she was brought here at the age of 4 and I still have to harass her before she talks. But she spoke to you." Emily shrugged.

"Must be those interviewing tactics they teach at Quantico," she teased.


	3. Visits

There are medical terms and situations beginning in this chapter that are completely exaggerated. I realize this – I'm not a doctor – so just enjoy the story and please realize it's entirely fictional. I hope you enjoy!

Thanks so much to those who reviewed :-) For the rest of you, I'm issuing an ultimatum. I have the next chapter ready to go – It will probably be posted in a week or so. If I get 10 reviews for this chapter I will update the next chapter immediately (as soon as those 10 reviews are posted). I know, it's low… but I'm desperate to prove to myself that more than 4 people like my story! At least, I hope that's true…

Again, thanks to those loyal readers who have already reviewed the first two chapters – it is much appreciated!

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Chapter 3 - Visits

Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous.

It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.

– Elizabeth Stone

On Monday, Emily awoke to the sounds of birds chirping and water gurgling. She was confused until she remembered where she was; sure enough, there was a fountain outside the guest room window. Looking down onto the grounds, Emily caught sight of her hostess, sitting in the yard while her five children played nearby. Dressing in a simple navy sundress and sandals, Emily wound her way through the quiet house and found Samantha and her children.

"Good morning," Samantha said happily, "you're up early."

"I'm not much of a sleeper," Emily admitted.

"I understand," Samantha said with a chuckle. "Even before the kids I was an insomniac."

She sat in a lawn chair next to Samantha and accepted the cup of tea that was passed to her. The sun was warm but not too hot, the grass was still shinning but not wet, and the breeze was gentle. It was a perfect morning. The two women continued to enjoy it in a mutual silence while they watched the three girls run around pretending to be princesses. From what she could gather, Emily believed that the three sisters were trying to protect their imaginary castle from an evil monster. The twin boys, barely two years old, dug happily in a sand box without a care in the world.

"Your children are beautiful," Emily said thoughtfully, eyes taking in the scene. "And very well behaved," she added with a smile.

"Thank you. I wish I could take credit. But they've always been low-key. Even as babies. When Grace was born, I was terrified that she wasn't crying enough." Samantha laughed at the memory. "My mom and the doctor assured me it was fine; and they were right – she was simply a happy baby."

"Sorry for the change of subject," Emily began, "but do you need any help with the shower? I know it's a little late to be asking, but if I can help—"

"Thank you. But everything is done. Nothing to do now but enjoy the festivities. What are you up to today?"

"I don't think JJ scheduled us for anything," Emily said jovially. "Actually, do you have any suggestions about calling a cab?"

"I would suggest you don't do it," Samantha returned, much to Emily's surprise. "You can borrow one of the cars – you can even have Carl if you'd rather not drive yourself," she said, offering up the services of the family's butler and sometimes driver.

"I could impose—"

"It's not an imposition. You're staying for a week. No one expects you to stay in your room until JJ or I decide to go somewhere. Take a car. Please. I'll feel horribly now if you don't," Samantha said sulkily. She knew she had Emily the moment she turned on the guilt. Before she knew what was happening, Emily was driving into the city in a beautiful blue Lexus. She spent a good part of the morning shopping; it was a privilege that she didn't often allow herself.

Just before noon, she found herself driving up the same road that they had followed the night before. When she stopped in front of the orphanage, she sat for a long while, wondering what she was doing. Despite her doubts, she eventually grabbed her bag and walked up to the front door. Once she rang the bell and was admitted to the office, she wasn't sure what she was supposed to say.

"Good morning," the woman behind the desk greeted her, "may I help you?"

"Good morning," Emily answered. "I was here last night with Samantha Evans and Jennifer Jareau—" Before she could continue explaining, she was greeted by Tru Davies – JJ's other maid of honor and best friend from high school. They had met and spoken briefly both at dinner Saturday and at the spa on Sunday.

Once Emily explained that she didn't really know why she was there, Tru smiled and waved her in, telling the secretary that it was fine. As they walked down the hall together, Tru explained that she worked a few hours a week at the orphanage, offering pro-bono medical treatment for the children. She had been called in that morning when one of the youngest children awoke with an ear ache.

"So, who are you looking for?" Emily bit her lip, not sure how to answer that question; she still wasn't completely sure she wanted to be looking for anyone.

"I was talking to Ella last night. I actually don't even know her last name—"

"Oh, there's only one Ella," Tru assured her with a smile, "she's a good kid. Very quiet. But a sweet kid."

"Anyway," Emily continued, "I was at the book store – and we had been talking about books – and I have a book – for her." Emily finished the sentence in almost a stammer – she knew how ridiculous she sounded. Tru simply laugh quietly and said that she didn't need an explanation. They found a teacher who pointed them in the direction of the small girl; she was supposed to be playing kickball. When they came upon the field, they found that Ella was the only child not playing. She sat alone in the grass, eyes wandering every way except to the field.

Tru left Emily in the grass, watching the small child, while she explained to the lead teachers that Emily was there to visit with Ella. She nodded to Emily and headed back to the main house, waving her goodbyes. Emily waved her thanks and wandered toward Ella, making sure to stir up enough noise so as not to frighten her. Indeed, Ella was not surprised when a person sank into the grass next to her. Not that she was terribly interested; she never turned her head.

Emily watched the game for a long time, remaining silent as she peripherally observed Ella. The little girl was twisted blades of grass between her fingertips; a nervous indicator that she was aware of the older woman's presence. Pulling her knees to her chin, Emily rested her head on her knees so she could see Ella.

"Do you remember me?" Ella nodded. "Do you mind that I stopped by to visit?" Ella shook her head and bit the inside of her lip. "Well, I have something for you," Emily said cheerfully. She saw a 

look of surprise in the young girl's expression. Emily opened her purse and pulled from it a new copy of Anne of Green Gables, another of her favorite childhood books. Ella took it in her hands and held it for a moment before her eyes turned to meet Emily's.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"You're welcome," Emily answered with a warm smile. After a few moments, she convinced Ella that it would be okay if they began to read it together. "This is not very lady-like," Emily said as she lay back in the grass. Ella giggled and lay next to her, not too close – but close enough to see the book. They took turns reading and Emily was stunned by Ella's fluency. For a nine year old, she read like an adult: a very eloquent and intelligent adult.

The probably would have read until the sun took away their source of light if Emily hadn't heard the child's stomach growl. She finished the page she was reading and set the book aside. "I think it's lunch time," she said, sitting up and looking at her watch. It was actually well past lunch and Emily was certain she has caused the child miss a meal. Ella's eyes bulged when she saw Emily's watch; she stood and began to run toward the house. Emily caught up with her quickly and stopped her frantic strides.

"Hey," she said softly, "it's okay. You're not in trouble," she assured the young girl. Ella seemed to be listening to her but Emily knew she didn't believe the words she was hearing. Offering Ella her hand, Emily walked back to the house calmly and found her way to the kitchen. Inside, she found five women working busily; obviously preparing the evening meal. She walked up to the oldest one who was cutting potatoes; she looked kind – and possibly in charge.

"Hi," Emily said sheepishly, "can you help me with something? I'm visiting Ella and we were outside reading a book – and lost track of time. It's my fault – I should have been watching the time. But I'm sure she needs something to eat before supper." The woman smiled at Emily,

"Of course, dear. The children know all they need to do is ask. Give me a minute and we'll put together a few sandwiches. You can make yourselves a nice picnic. What a beautiful day it is outside." Emily looked at Ella, who was still attached to her hand, and raised an eyebrow. The little girl smiled back sheepishly. They went back outside and spent the remainder of the afternoon reading and working on the small but delicious picnic lunch the woman had packed for them.

"What were you so worried about, when we were late for lunch?" Ella shrugged her shoulders and walked along beside Emily, her eyes cast down. Realizing that she had no choice but to let it go, Emily sighed.

"I had a very nice time today," Emily said, stooping next to Ella so they were at eye level.

"Me too," Ella answered softly.

"Would it be okay if I came back to see you again?" Without answering, Ella almost knocked Emily over with a fierce hug. Before Emily could respond, the child had disappeared into the house. When she returned to Samantha's home, the activity level had risen significantly since she'd left that morning. Will, Morgan, Reid, and Hotch were returning from what looked to be a golf outing.

"Oh Reid," Emily said, horrified when she saw his ensemble.

"JJ already yelled at me."

"And you didn't think to change?"

"I didn't have time," the genius answered, genuinely confused. Emily shook her head as she crossed the grass to speak to him.

"Make the time," she suggested, "make the time. And Reid – Pennsylvania is from now on the land-of-no-sweater-vests. Consider them illegal."

"What about in DC?"

"They're still working on the legislation," Emily answered wryly. "Just lose the sweater vests – at least until after the wedding. How are you going to pick up the cute girls at the reception if they're turned off by the sweater vest? And they will be," she told him firmly. Reid blushed from the attention but shook his head – he would never care about clothes enough to remember all of these rules.

"Where have you been, girl?" Morgan asked as he threw an arm around Emily's shoulder. "You were gone before the rest of us left siesta land."

"Shopping," Emily answered quickly, "a girl's favorite hobby." As if to prove the point, she pulled out several bags and handed them to her friend. "Thanks," she said coyly. Morgan shook his head after realizing that he'd just been volunteered to be a porter.

Dinner was a quiet affair that evening with a buffet-style menu and people perched in various rooms. Emily wandered out onto the back deck and chose a seat near JJ and Garcia; they were busy chatting about wedding details. JJ was still unsure about the slideshow her mother wanted Garcia to design for the reception.

"Hi Em," JJ said with a smile, "how was your day?" The three ladies spent the rest of the evening chatting about the wedding, their day, and what was planned for the rest of the week. Emily, despite the negative voice of her realistic consciousness, returned to visit Ella each of the next three mornings. They finished Anne of Green Gables and were working on Anne of the Island by the time Thursday rolled around.

That evening, Emily knocked softly on the mahogany door leading to the library, half-hoping that no one would answer. After all, with the rehearsal the next day, everyone should have been sleeping. Her half-hopes were dashed when a gentle voice invited her to enter. Samantha was sitting on a sofa in 

the far corner of the library, jotting things into a notebook. Her feet were pulled up, her hair down, and a glass of wine not far from reach.

"Hi Emily," she said with a smile. "Come in, have a seat."

"I don't want to interrupt—"

"You're not," Samantha insisted. "Please, come and sit down. May I get you something?" Emily shook her head and offered her thanks.

"You have a beautiful home. And your children – they're a joy."

"I like them," Samantha said with a grin. "And thank you. But I'm sure that's not what you're here about. What's on your mind?"

"I want to adopt," Emily said quickly, spitting out the words before she could change her mind. Samantha smiled knowingly and pulled a folder from a nearby bag. She handed it to Emily, who opened it to find adoption papers and all sorts of legal looking documents. "How did you know?" She stammered, eyes pleading with the younger woman.

"It's not every day one of my charges is visited five days in a row by the same adult. My employees keep me informed."

"What do you think?"

"I think you would make a fabulous mother and I've barely known you a week. JJ talks about you constantly and I trust her. And she wholly supports your decision to adopt."

"Why am I not surprised that she knew I wanted to do this before I did?"

"Because that's who she is. She's always been intuitive – long before she worked with profilers. I agree with her. From what I've seen, I think you would do wonderfully to adopt."

Why does it sound like there's a 'but' in there?" Emily asked astutely, having picked up on a bit of hesitation in Samantha's voice.

"You really are a profiler," Samantha said with a smile. "I think that you would make a great mother. But I'm assuming you're interested in adopting Ella."

"And?"

"And there are things you need to know before you continue your consideration. Ella was placed in the system as an infant. She was in foster care until she came to me around age four. She was abused. Sexually, Physically, Mentally. She was raped and molested. Every rib and arm bone in her tiny body had been broken at some point in her life before I met her. There's really nothing she hadn't faced by the time she was old enough for preschool." Emily nodded, listening and biting her lip to keep the tears at bay. She'd already grown so attached to this kind, intelligent, beautiful little girl. The thought that she'd been so deeply hurt ripped at Emily's heart. She found her voice and answered,

"I don't care. That doesn't make her any less lovable."

"I agree," Samantha said evenly. "But there's more. She was only with me for about three months before she was adopted by a couple from two towns over. They kept her for two months. Her next two families only kept her for about a month each."

"Dear God. How could they do that to her?"

"It wasn't an easy decision for any of them. But it brutally hurt Ella– she hasn't agreed to see prospective parents since she'd been back these past four years. And truthfully, she's approaching an 

age where she won't be what most adoptive parents are looking for. The families who brought her back weren't cruel. They were simply unprepared to deal with her special needs. I tried to prepare them, but all they saw was a beautiful little girl with good manners and a sweet smile."

"What happened?"

"Ella suffers from extreme, chronic night terrors."

"Nightmares?" Emily couldn't believe that three families would turn their backs on this little girl because she had a few bad dreams.

"Night Terrors. Cold sweats, feverish temperatures, screaming, crying, thrashing, the works. It happens almost every night."

"That poor girl," Emily said softly.

"Unfortunately, most don't see it that way after being deprived of their own sleep for weeks on end."

"But then how do you deal with it at the orphanage?"

"She's spent a lot of time at sleep clinics in the past few years and we have it mostly under control. Her pediatrician is our friend Tru. She's worked with us and Ella trying all sorts of things. It's extreme, but what we do is the only thing that seems to help her get any semblance of sleep. Ella has a strictly regimented schedule beginning at eight every night. She reads for half an hour and then takes a 20 minute shower. She brushes her teeth, changes into her pajamas, and then lies down and listens to classical music until 9:30. There are certain pieces that she's found are more soothing than the others. At that time, someone goes to help her get settled. It's always either myself, Tru, or my nanny - who 

also volunteers at the orphanage. We give her a mild sleeping pill. It's equivalent to the potency of a Benadryl. And before she goes to sleep, she's restrained."

"Dear God," Emily repeated, " What do you mean, restrained? Isn't that dangerous?"

"A waist belt, wrist cuffs, and ankle cuffs. They're all set up to release if the fire alarm goes off. She also has a call button that she can reach. One of the nurses on staff is in the next room all night. I know it sounds horrible – but it's completely necessary. Ella understands that. Trust me when I tell you that we have tried everything."

"What about a stronger sleeping pill?"

"The ones that are strong enough to knock out the night terrors also make her vegetable-like during the day. It's no way for a child to live." Emily nodded; she could understand that. They were silent for a few moments while the older woman processed this new information. She looked at Samantha and their eyes locked.

"I still want her."

"I was hoping you'd say that," Samantha said, her eyes misty and a small smile gracing her lips.

"I'm going to need your help."

"You've got it," Samantha promised. "She's a special kid. She deserves someone like you in her life."

"I hope I can live up to that," Emily said softly.


	4. Difficult Decisions

It is short – but the next one is longer. I hope you enjoy :-) Please let me know if you do – it just makes me happy.

* * *

Chapter 4 Difficult Decisions

"Adoption is when a child grew in its

mommy's heart

instead of her tummy."

The next morning, Emily woke early and went to the orphanage with Samantha. She sat in Samantha's spacious, welcoming office while the young woman went to find Ella. The two returned after just a few minutes and Ella smiled to see Emily waiting. She waved shyly, waiting for directions from Samantha.

"Have a seat, sweetheart," Samantha said kindly, pointing to a nearby chair. "We have some important things to discuss this morning." Ella's face fell but she continued to listen carefully. Emily watched her eyes move from warm and kind to expressionless. "Emily has something she'd like to ask you."

"Ella, I know we've only known each other for a few days. But I love you. And I think you're probably the best young lady I've ever met. I would be honored if you would consider becoming my daughter." Emily had thought the words through during her sleepless night but never had she imagined that they would be followed by a terrible, troubling pause.

"I'm so sorry, Ms. Prentiss. You are the nicest person I've ever met and whoever you decide to adopt is going to be very lucky. But I'm not the daughter you want. I can't be," Ella answered softly. "You can't make me," she whispered to Samantha.

"No, I certainly can't – and won't. But we're going to talk about this," Samantha said sternly, her eyes full of concern.

"Please, Dr. Evans," Emily interrupted, "we need to respect Ella's decision. I know she's happy here. And I wouldn't want to take her away if that's not what she wants." Emily fought the tears that were welling in her eyes as she spoke calmly, rationally; as she would during a press conference or a hostage negotiation.

Ella's eyes were ringed with red; she was obviously losing her fight with the tears. Samantha sat next to her on the large easy chair and offered whispered reassurances. Ella began to sob, her voice shaking as she apologized repeatedly and rambled on about how Emily could find a better daughter.

"Well, that's enough of that," Samantha said, gently brushing hair from Ella's tear-stained cheeks. "That's just silly talk. You tell me right now why you don't want to go with Emily." Ella hid her face in her hands, begging to be left alone. Emily watched uncomfortably; wanting to end the girl's pain but also wanting to get to the bottom of her refusal.

"I'm ruined. I can't make you as happy as you could make me," Ella insisted, her voice bordering on yelling. "You don't deserve my problems. No one does." Emily gaped for a moment before standing and crossing the room to the child. She sat on the floor and pulled Ella next to her, settling her into an embrace.

"You listen to me," Emily said firmly, her words whispered into Ella's ear, "I don't care what you think I deserve and don't deserve. I don't expect – or want – you to be perfect. I want you, Ella, 

problems and all. Trust me, sweetie, I have them too. Everyone does. Maybe we can help each other deal with them."

"You don't understand – "

"I told her everything," Samantha interrupted quietly.

"And you still came?" Ella asked, amazed. Emily nodded, tears beginning to stream down her cheeks as she hugged Ella closer.

"I want you to at least consider this. I have to admit that I don't have a clue what I'm doing. But if you're up for it, so am I. I can't promise you everything, but I promise that I will always love you. And I will always be there when you need me," Emily said between sobs. "No matter what you decide, that won't change." Ella nodded before falling once more into Emily's embrace.


	5. A Piece of Her Heart

I would like to thank the following people who have read and reviewed – you are very much appreciated!

Ewriter and Boneslvr4evr – thank you for your complements – I love Emily on the show and I always am interested when they show her "softer side" – I'm trying to explore that in more depth with this story.

Dropkick95, red lighting, LoraLee2, lacrossegirl1097 – thank you again for reading and reviewing! I hope you continue to enjoy the story :-)

* * *

Chapter 5 – A Piece of Her Heart

_Making the decision to have a child is momentous. _

_It is to decide forever to have your heart _

_go walking around outside your body. _

_Elizabeth Stone_

It was Garcia who insisted that have a night out that was just the team. Hailey and Will seemed a bit put off at first but after JJ assured them that it would be shop talk, they happily stayed for dinner with Samantha and her family. Emily tugged at the skirt of her russet wrap dress as they were led to their table in a quiet, candle-lit restaurant. After Hotch asserted his dominance by choosing the wine 

and they had all ordered their food, Emily recognized her opportunity. She felt slightly sick but continued; she didn't have time to waste.

"I have some news," she said abruptly, drawing all of their eyes. "I've been thinking about this for a long time, but I wasn't expecting it to happen without any warning. But it has—" She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath and steeling herself. "I'm adopting a little girl. And before you say anything," she continued quickly, looking at Hotch, "I really want this. It's what I need to do right now. It's not a rash decision. And I don't need your approval, but I would like your support. Mostly because I have no idea what I'm doing," she added with a frightened laugh. JJ stood immediately, walked to Emily, and hugged her tightly.

"I think it's a great idea. I'm so happy for you," she said warmly. "You can certainly count on me."

"Good for you, girl, good for you," Morgan said with pride in his eyes. Reid was next in line to hug Emily and offer his support as well. Before he began to rattle off too many statistics about adoption, Garcia pushed him out of the way and hugged Emily.

"She's a lucky little girl," Garcia said, "and I'm here, whatever you need." There was silence as everyone attempted not to stare at Hotch and Rossi, the two who had yet to speak.

"You'll make a very good mother," Hotch said simply. Rossi nodded his agreement.

* * *

The excitement was contagious; Emily couldn't stop smiling as she watched JJ prepare for the ceremony. They were hidden away in the bridal suite below the altar with JJ's mom, sister Daisy, Tru, Samantha, and Penelope. JJ was still sitting in her silken white robe, refusing to step into her gown until the last moment.

The white gown hung behind the door, brilliantly beautiful in its elegant simplicity. It was a satin, a-line gown with a twisted-strap detail, a ruched waist that carefully hid the newest member of the Jareau clan, and a simple bow trailing softly in the back. The chapel train was perfect for the ceremony and completely detachable for the reception. Tru, Samantha, Emily, and Daisy were all decked out in matching dresses of a beautiful marine hue that just happened to match the bride's deep blue eyes. They all looked beautiful in the satin a-line sleeveless gowns with ruched waists. Penelope was dressed as subtly as was possible for her in beautiful shades of pink. She had refused to be a bridesmaid but had finally agreed to read after being assaulted by various guilt trips.

"Do you have everything you need?" Emily asked, sharp eyes focused on JJ.

"Of course," JJ answered with a soft smile. "Now we just need to get started." Emily returned her smile; she could only imagine how uncomfortable the younger agent was feeling; JJ was not patient. "I have something borrowed," JJ said, pointing to the delicate pearl necklace Emily had give her to wear, "my dress is new, my mom's veil is the something old, and the something blue – is private."

"It sounds like you're all set," Sophie said with a smile as she walked to her daughter's side. "Now you just need to put on the dress. It's time." When JJ was fully dressed, she was simply breathtaking.

As the last woman to walk down the aisle before JJ, Emily had the privilege of all eyes being on her. She fought the blush that rose to her cheeks and smiled calmly as she proceeded to the front of the church. Reid had cleaned up well in the new suit Morgan had forced him to buy. Emily smiled and tears sprang to her eyes when she caught sight of Gideon sitting between Reid and a lovely, dark-haired woman she'd never met. If she had to guess, she would assume she was seeing Supervisory Special Agent Elle Greenaway for the first time.

Emily reached the altar and took her place across from Will's best man. As soon as she turned around, the music shifted and the doors opened to reveal JJ. She heard Will's breath hitch as he caught sight of her walking down the aisle between her parents. She looked link an angel; pure and elegant. The ceremony was quick but meaningful. As her eyes wandered the church, Emily smiled at the sight of Ella. The little girl's eyes were wide with excitement and awe as she watched the wedding from her seat between Haley and Aaron Hotchner.

"You look happy," Gideon said simply, as he sat next to Emily during the reception.

"I am," she replied with a warm smile.

"Good for you," he said with a chuckle, "and good for that little girl. She's amazing," he said, eyes finding Ella on the dance floor with an originally reluctant Reid. He looked now that he was having a great time spinning the tiny girl around the room.

"I know," Emily answered, "it frightens me."

"That's good," Gideon answered, to Emily's surprise. "That's what no one ever tells you. If you're parenting the right way, it should terrify you. My mother once told me that having a child is like cutting out a piece of your heart and letting it walk around in this insane world. But you'll be fine," he said calmly, "You'll be fine."

Everyone's favorite part of the reception was when Garcia caught the bride's bouquet and then Morgan – who refused to go on the dance floor with the other single men – ended up with the garter when it landed on his head. The party had clapped and made a fuss; and JJ and Emily grinned as Garcia's cheeks reddened unnaturally and Morgan made some silly comment. With Garcia and Morgan – the whole team knew – it was only a matter of time.

"Did you have a nice time?" Sophie Jareau and Emily were standing together near the dance floor, watching as the party began to break apart.

"Absolutely," Emily said with a smile, "It was a great party, Mrs. Jareau."

"Please call me Sophie."

"Thank you Sophie. And I would say this was a successful event. JJ's glowing."

"Thank you for all your support. I know my daughter treasures your friendship. And she's so happy you're adopting Ella. She's a precious child."

"I wish I wasn't so terrified," Emily admitted.

"If you ever need anything, you give us a call. We may not be perfect, but I think we raised a good one or two."

"I would definitely agree," Emily said with a grin. She hugged Sophie Jareau and then went to JJ and Will, who were sitting in a corner, talking softly. After wishing them well on their honeymoon and threatening Will sufficiently, she excused herself to the table where Reid and Morgan were sitting. Ella was lying across two chairs with her head in Reid's lap. Emily lifted her gently and sat down so the child was curled into her lap. "You know, Reid, you were supposed to meet women tonight. I'm sorry if Ella monopolized your time."

"I had a great time," Reid answered sincerely, "and honestly, there weren't any women I was interested in."

"Besides, any women who are worth his time would be unimpressed with Reid's mooning over the bride," Morgan joked.

"You're a great guy Reid," Emily said, ignoring Morgan, "you'll find the right one." She stood and ruffled the younger man's hair before beginning to lift Ella into her arms. Reid stood and said,

"Let me help you."

"We're fine," Emily said, "Thank you."

"At least let me carry her to the car," Reid said. Emily smiled her thanks and gently handed over the small girl. Once Reid buckled Ella into the back seat, Emily thanked him and gave him a peck on the cheek. He was still blushing when she pulled out of the parking lot and drove back to the orphanage. It was a late night for Ella and Tru had been worried about her sleep pattern but Samantha had been able to convince her that it was okay; especially for such a special occasion.

When Emily carried Ella back into the orphanage, Tru was just arriving. "How long has she been sleeping?"

"Half an hour, on and off," Emily answered, setting the girl gently on her bed. Ella's eyes began to flutter open as Emily rummaged through her drawers and found a pair of pajamas. Tru disappeared for a few minutes. When she returned with half of Ella's usual pill and a glass of juice, Emily had assisted the little girl in trading the beautiful blue satin and lace dress for the pink cotton and lace pajamas.

"Did you have fun, kid-o?" Tru asked as she perched on the side of Ella's bed. The little girl nodded, smiling brightly despite the sleepy eyes. "Good," Tru answered with a laugh. "Here you go." After Ella had taken her pill and was tucked into bed, Emily said good night to Tru and settled into the rocking chair that had been moved into the little girl's room.


	6. Final Exams

Thanks again for the reviews – please continue letting me know if you like the story.

* * *

Chapter 6 – Final Exams

A week after JJ's wedding, Emily legally had a daughter. The paperwork had flown through the system – especially thanks to calls that Emily hadn't known were placed by JJ, Hotch, and even Gideon. The retired teammate had come for the ceremony and stayed long enough at the reception to congratulate JJ on her marriage and Emily on her choice to adopt.

There were still so many things that had to be done before they could depart for the capitol that Emily's head swam most days. Samantha, Tru, and Ella's therapist thought it would be best for Emily to get acquainted with the young girl's routines before they moved.

At nine thirty on the Friday after the wedding, Emily's manicured fingers lifted Ella's chin so their eyes met. "This will not change anything. Not how I feel about you – not what I think of you. Do you understand that?" Ella nodded. Emily leaned down and kissed her cheek before backing away and taking a seat in the corner of the room. Tru Davies, Ella's pediatrician, entered the room just then with a glass of juice and a pill in her hand.

"Hey, kiddo. How are you feeling?" She sat on the edge of Ella's bed and set down the glass and pill.

"Okay," Ella said softly. She lay patiently while Tru gently picked up her wrist and checked her pulse. Methodically, the young doctor checked her lymph nodes, blood pressure and temperature.

"Everything else sounds good," she said after listening to Ella's heart, "but your pulse is racing. Are you sure you're feeling alright?" Ella nodded. "Take a deep breath," Tru directed. While Ella did as she was told, Tru continued to check her pulse. Several deep breaths later, Ella was sobbing.

"Oh, kid, you know I'm no good with tears," Tru said lightly, trying to make the child laugh. To no avail. She hoisted Ella into a sitting position and rubbed her back, waiting out the tears. After about ten minutes of careful ministration, Ella was calm and lying back in bed while a frustrated Emily watched. She wanted nothing more than to comfort that child but she knew she was only to be an observer that night. Once Tru had Ella settled, she asked her if she needed anything. Ella shook her head and closed her eyes, not wanting to witness what she knew was coming.

"Sleep well, Ella." Tru reached around the bed and gently secured Ella's wrists, then her ankles. Last, she pulled the waist restraint from between the mattress and the bed skirt and secured it. All the while, she quietly explained to Emily what she was doing. She showed the older woman how the call button, the glass of water, the tissues, and the lip balm, – they were all within Ella's reach. Emily had already caught sight of the teddy bear Ella clutched. Tru pulled the comforter over the young girl and dropped a kiss on her forehead before leaving the room and motioning for Emily to follow.

"That was much more dramatic than usual," Tru assured the bewildered Emily. "I'm sure she was just anxious because you were watching. It usually goes much smoother. You will be fine," she stressed when she saw the stunned look Emily was giving.

"Do you take her vitals every night?"

"About once a week," Tru corrected. "Or if she seems more sluggish than usual. I'm not crazy about giving tranquilizers to a kid her age. And I like to make sure everything is working the way it should. I would suggest, when you go back to D.C. that you find a nurse who can come in once a week or so. You want a home visit if possible. Ella can't walk into my office without having a panic attack – even though she trusts me."

"Is there anyone you can suggest?"

"Let me think about it. I'll see if I can come up with someone."

"Thanks," Emily said. "May I go and sit with her?"

"Sure," Tru said. "Just remember – don't try to calm her if she falls into a night terror. It won't help and you could be hurt." Emily nodded before ducking back inside the door and taking her seat in the corner of the room. Once her vision adjusted to the darkness, she saw that Ella's eyes were open.

"Close your eyes, sweetheart. You need to sleep." Ella did as she was told and before long, Emily heard her breathing even out as she fell into the land of nod. She unknowingly slipped into her own slumber, only to be awakened when the clock struck two. Ella was obviously having a nightmare; she was thrashing against her restraints and screaming, begging some imaginary monster to leave her alone. The night nurse stood at the door, watching helplessly. Emily sat rigidly, watching until the young girl settled down. Once she fell back into a calmer sleep, Emily moved to sit next to her on the bed and grasped her hand.

The next morning was Saturday and Emily found herself eating breakfast with Ella and Samantha. They spoke softly about the preparations that needed to be made before Ella could be moved to D.C. Tru was going to put in a few phone calls and find a colleague that she trusted in the area. "Dr. Davies and I both think it might be best if you go back to the sleep clinic for another check up before you leave," Samantha said to Ella. The young girl looked as though she wanted to protest but she nodded instead and continued to pick at her breakfast.

"I've set up tours at three different schools back in D.C.," Emily said cheerfully, trying to change the subject. "I've never shopped for schools before, so you're going to have to help me."

"I get to pick?"

"Of course you get to pick. You have to go there every day. You should have a choice." Ella looked humbled; unsure of what to say. She had never been asked for her opinion, even in matters that pertained to her.

"Ella is such a great student," Samantha said enthusiastically, "she'll be successful anywhere. But I have to say, I know the schools where Emily has been looking, and they're fantastic." Ella smiled, fairly certain she would be happy wherever she was – as long as Emily decided to keep her.

The sleep clinic, where they ended up the next day, was an experience that Emily had to admit she found frightening and completely unnerving. Ella knew what was going to happen, so she seemed much less anxious than her new guardian. She went about her bedtime rituals with no problem and then lay quietly while the respiratory therapist and nurse practitioner hooked her up to various machines. Emily watched from the observation room until they were finished and then they allowed her back into the bedroom with Ella.

"Are you doing okay?" Emily asked as she perched on the edge of the bed. Ella nodded but grimaced at the same time.

"I don't like it when they put tubes up my nose," she said honestly.

"I do not blame you for that," Emily said lightly. She moved to sit against the headboard and allowed Ella to crawl into her lap. They snuggled only for a few moments before the nurse came back into the room and told them it was time for "lights out." Emily kissed Ella and then moved to the recliner that had been set up for her in the corner of the room. Although it seemed impossible that she would, Emily did fall asleep and was then awoken when the nurse and therapist came into the room once Ella's terrors started.

"What are you doing?" Emily asked groggily, seeing the nurse injecting something into Ella's IV.

"Dr. Davies wants to see if she responds to any of these drugs," the woman said simply. Whatever she tried, it was having the adverse effect; Ella seemed to be thrashing harder and more wildly. An orderly entered the room at the request of the nurse and held the little girl while restrains were pulled out and utilized. Emily sighed sadly; was there no other way?

When Ella awoke the next morning and realized she was in restraints again, she immediately burst into tears. Emily quickly went to her and undid the restraints, drawing the little girl into her arms. "It's okay," she whispered soothingly. "it's going to be okay."

The next two nights were more of the same. Each time Ella woke up with the restraints holding her to the bed, she took it harder than the time before. Emily's heart broke; she wished there was something she could do – she had never felt so helpless. At the end of the three night sleep study, Emily, Ella, Tru, and a doctor from the sleep clinic met to discuss the results.

"We've seen Ella several times now," Dr. Warner began, "and the only thing that's changed is that the night terrors seem to be getting progressively worse." Ella stifled a sob as she hid her face in Emily's lap. Emily gently smoothed her hair and rubbed her back, trying to offer some reassurance.

"There must be something left to try," Emily said.

"We've tried everything that's been tested on night terrors, nightmares, and even sleep apnea. The only route left is alternative medicine. And Ella's a bit young for that—"

"What do you mean, exactly?"

"Night mares and night terrors are rooted in our unconscious mind. Many times, Ella will have a great day and then a night terror. They're not tied to anything she's consciously aware of. In order to get rid of them, psychologists and psychiatrists would recommend bringing them to the forefront."

"Which can be very dangerous," Tru stressed. "Our minds build fortifications against these things for a reason."

"What kinds of treatments are you talking about?"

"Acupuncture, hypnosis, talk-therapy, any number of things. If you're truly interested, you'll need to find a psychiatrist who will have a better idea of where to begin." Emily pursed her lips as her mind tried to comprehend the situation. She sighed softly and continued to gently brush her fingers through Ella's hair; it seemed to be calming the sad little girl.


	7. Home Sweet Home

Thank you so much for the reviews -- please keep them coming! If you are enjoying the story, let me know!

_"Every house where love abides  
And friendship is a guest,  
Is surely home, and home sweet home  
For there the heart can rest."  
Henry Van Dyke_

Chapter 7 - Home Sweet Home

Emily pulled back into her driveway three weeks after leaving for JJ's wedding. Exhausted, confounded, unprepared, and happier than she'd ever felt in her life. Ella slept peacefully in the back passenger seat. So peacefully that Emily hesitated to wake her. Imagining the danger the windows would pose if the young girl began to flail, the older woman did finally lean over and gently shake her shoulder while calling her name. Ella's eyes opened immediately and she looked frightened.

"Did I sleep?" She was alarmed; she knew what she was capable of doing in her sleep.

"You slept," Emily answered softly. "You slept just fine. We're home now," she announced. Ella, still groggy, was silent as she hungrily took in her surroundings. After a moment, Emily exited the car and crossed to Ella's side, where she helped the young girl out of her seat. Grabbing just a few of the most important bags, they walked together to the front door.

"It's pretty," Ella said, her eyes still busily taking it in.

"I'm glad you like it. But it's a lot smaller than you're used to," Emily answered with a laugh.

"With many fewer people," Ella added, "so it works out."

"Welcome home," Emily said cheerfully as she unlocked the door and turned off the alarm. "We'll get you a key tomorrow," she offered. Ella immediately fell in love with her new home. It was exactly as she suspected Emily's home would be – warm, inviting, and comfortably elegant. Without realizing it, she was staring at the long bookshelves that filled the living room. "Wait until you see the den," Emily said when she observed Ella's happiness at seeing the books. She set the bags down and took Ella's hand, leading her slowly through the house and showing her where things were located.

"This is my room," Emily said, stopping in the master suite. "You're welcome to come in here at any time. If the door's closed, just knock. And this," she said, gesturing to the room across the hall, is your room." She stood in the hall and nodded for Ella to go in herself. Emily watched with a grin as Ella turned on the light and gasped.

With Garcia and JJ's help, Emily had the room decorated with a beautiful white set of furniture, purple walls, warm yellow carpeting, and a soft purple and yellow comforter set. She was sure that JJ has added the fresh lavender in a vase on the dresser just that morning. The desk was fitted with whatever technology Garcia had deemed necessary for a pre-teen girl. Emily knew she was going to move that to the den; a computer in a bedroom was never a good idea; especially with a child who suffered from sleep problems.

"Thank you," Ella said, practically bowling Emily over with a hug. She hid her face in Emily's sweater as she broke down into tears.

"You are more than welcome," Emily whispered. After allowing Ella to explore the rest of the house, Emily realized that time was getting away from them; it was nearly eight o'clock. Ella looked uncomfortable; she too realized what time it was. "Time to get ready for bed," Emily said as nonchalantly as possible. "We have a lot to do tomorrow." Ella nodded and took the small Vera Bradley Duffle bag that Emily had purchased for her before their departure. They both pulled out their books and went to sit on the small lavender sofa in Ella's room. Emily pulled a yellow chenille blanket over them both and they began to read. After three or so minutes, they both realized that neither of them was concentrating.

"Maybe we can read together for today," Emily suggested. Ella nodded and closed her book. "Oh no," Emily laughed. "We'll read your book." Her book was for work; a research study about serial killers. She reached for Ella's copy of "Anne of Green Gables" and began reading aloud. They took turns, every other page, and before they knew it – the thirty minutes had passed. Emily put the book aside and dropped a kiss on Ella's forehead. "Do you need any help? Is there anything I can get for you?"

"No, I'm okay," Ella promised. She stood up and disappeared into the bathroom with her small bag. Emily went to her own room and prepared for bed. She slipped into a pair of light purple cotton pants with tiny blue flowers and a coordinating purple t-shirt. After she washed off her makeup and brushed her teeth, she wandered back to Ella's room and opened one of the smaller black bags she had brought. From the kitchen she grabbed a small bottle of apple juice and one of water and then placed them on Ella's nightstand.

Searching through the bag Tru had packed; Emily found the alarm detector and plugged it in before attaching the restraints and then tucking them between the mattress and box spring. Plugging in the tiny CD player that Garcia had purchased, Emily turned on the CD of classical lullabies and soft symphonies. Ella returned to the bedroom with her teddy bear under her arm.

"What is this little guy's name?" Emily asked, pointing to the bear.

"Potter," Ella replied. "Dr. Evans gave him to me when I met her."

"He's a cuttie," Emily said. She paused and looked directly at Ella, catching her eyes. "How do you want to do this thing?" She hadn't really watched Ella's whole bedtime ritual – she didn't know what happened when she was supposed to be listening to her music.

"Will you stay with me for a little while?" Ella asked hesitantly, obviously anxious.

"Of course," Emily admonished. She picked up the two sham pillows from the head of the bed and moved them to the trunk that sat at the foot. Then she pulled back the covers and crawled in. Once she was situated, she motioned for Ella to join her. The young girl climbed in and lay against Emily, snuggling into her embrace. They lay together silently, listening to the light strains of Mozart, Bach, and Beethoven. Emily stroked Ella's hair calmly as they allowed the music to flood their anxious feelings. Once Ella had taken her medication and was settled, Emily turned out the light and sat in the rocking chair in the corner.

"You don't have to stay," Ella said drowsily.

"I know," Emily answered. She did stay until Ella was sleeping and then wandered to her own bedroom buts he was too wired to sleep; there was so much to think about; so much to do. They needed to choose a school; she wanted to introduce Ella at the BAU; they needed to find a doctor and a therapist. She needed to speak to Hotch about taking a short leave of absence while Ella was getting settled. And what was she going to do once she began traveling again? What would happen when she was away at night? What if Ella needed picked up from school early? If she became sick?

She wandered around her house for a few moments and then realized that she was never going to sleep until she had at least some of the answers. Dialing Hotch, she moved into the den where her voice was least likely to reach Ella's room. Although he wasn't thrilled about discussing it at ten at night, Aaron Hotchner was happy to offer Emily a month of paid leave; she certainly would have gotten at least that if she'd been on maternity leave.

The next day, Emily had deemed would be nothing but fun. Once she woke Ella, they dressed and headed out for breakfast. "Where would you like to go today?" Emily asked after the waitress left with their food orders.

"I don't know," Ella said honestly. Emily smiled and showed her one of the books she had slipped into her purse – it was a guidebook of things to do in Washington D.C – specifically geared toward children. After many different ideas being tossed around and assurances from Emily that this was not going to be their only chance to sight-see, Ella chose the Smithsonian Museum. She was struggling between the Museum of Natural History and the Air and Space Museum. She liked the idea of seeing the airplanes close up but also wanted to marvel at the Hope Diamond.

"Why don't we start at the museum of natural history," Emily suggested. "And if we have time, we'll stop at the Air and Space Museum. If not, we'll come back another day. How does that sound?" Ella nodded as she shared her bright smile. They spent the day wandering through the city, exploring everything from pre-historic dinosaurs to the first flight across the world.

When they arrived back home that afternoon, Emily prepared a quick dinner of grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup for them both before they settled in to watch Ever After.

"Tomorrow," Emily said as she was sitting in Ella's room, waiting while the child prepared for bed, "we have lots to do. We have an appointment at ten to visit one of the schools I was telling you about. And then at 2 we have an appointment with Dr. Grasinger – she's the one Dr. Davies found for us." Ella reentered the room, her bear already in the crook of her arm, and stared at Emily. "We have to go," Emily insisted. "Don't try that," she said as Ella began to pout, "it's not for a checkup – we're just going to meet the doctor." Ella sulkily climbed into bed without a word and curled up on her side. Emily chose a book from the nightstand and opened to their bookmark. Curling up next to Ella, she began to read.


	8. Keeping Appointments

Thank you for the reviews -- I hope everyone is still enjoying the story. I apologize for not updating sooner -- things have been crazy! Let me know how you like the update. Enjoy!

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Chapter 8 - Keeping Appointments

Winchester Manor was a private school about ten minutes from Emily's home and twenty minutes from her office at Quantico. Geographically, it was her first choice. It had also come highly recommended by Haley Hotchner, who had already been with the school through Jack's preschool years. The classes, each taught by two teachers, were limited to ten children. The curriculum was fast paced and rigorous – and only open to those who tested into genius territory. Since Ella's IQ had been tested at her last school, they were offered a tour without the preliminary testing.

Languages were not only required, they were integrated into every aspect of the curriculum. Beginning in second grade, every subject was taught in French on Monday and Tuesday, English Wednesday, and Spanish on Thursday and Friday. Arabic and German weren't introduced until the fourth grade. Private music and dance lessons were offered before and after school, catering to the hectic schedules of D.C.'s most elite parents. Diplomats, Dignitaries, and Politicians of the highest rank sent their children to the school. Security was tight but barely noticeable to the untrained eye.

When they arrived, Emily offered Ella's hand a reassuring squeeze and rang the front doorbell. After Emily showed her ID, she and Ella were buzzed into the front office where they met the headmistress, Mrs. Heart. She was a woman about ten years older than Emily with soft red hair and a kind smile that reached into her eyes. "Good morning Ella, Agent Prentiss," she said warmly, reaching to shake both of their hands.

"Good morning ma'am," Ella said softly.

"Good morning," Emily replied.

"We're so happy you're considering Winchester. Let's take a tour first, and then we'll talk about the application process. This is the door where the children come in every morning," she said, gesturing to the doors through which they had entered. Only Winchester students and parents are allowed in at that time. Anyone who comes in late or as a visitor must sign in at the front office."

Mrs. Heart led them through a thorough tour of the building from the classrooms and lockers to the music and art rooms. Ella's interest was piqued when they stopped in the library. It was large, bright, and airy. There were windows looking out onto the grounds and bookshelves crammed with colorfully bound books. As Mrs. Heart described the different ways in which the library was used by classes and individual students, Ella wandered through the stacks and began pulling at books. When Emily and Mrs. Heart tracked her down, she was sitting in front of a bookshelf, already engaged in the text.

"She's already made herself at home," Emily said with a chuckle.

"Ella is exactly the kind of student we cater to here at Windchester," Mrs. Heart said enthusiastically. "We'd love to have her."

"We have a few more places to tour, but I think it's safe to say that you have yourself a new student," Emily said, eyes trained on the content little girl. When they left the school, Ella looked back several times, waving to Mrs. Heart and creating a visual for herself to remember. "If this is the school you like, this is where we'll go," Emily told her as she let the child into the back seat of her SUV.

"It's expensive," Ella stated intuitively.

"We can afford it," Emily confided with a smile. "Now," she said as she climbed into her own seat, "we need to choose a place for lunch. Any ideas?" After a few minutes of debate, they decided on a small restaurant with gourmet but child-friendly offerings. Ella chattered on through the entire meal, relating to Emily what she thought about every square inch of Winchester.

After a leisurely lunch, they went back to the car and Emily headed for the medical complex where the doctor Tru Davies had found for them held her practice. A silence fell over Ella during the trip; her anxiety was palpable. Emily tried to make light conversation but the child answered in one syllable snippets that barely qualified as words.

The wait was mere minutes but Ella was barely breathing by the time her name was called. When Emily stood, she realized that Ella wasn't following; she couldn't. The little girl's breathing was erratic as she began to hyperventilate. The nurse noticed the problem and called the doctor into the waiting room. Elaine Grasinger was a young doctor; most likely a bit younger than Emily. She had curly blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She knelt in front of Ella and smiled gently.

"Hi Ella, I'm Dr. Grasinger." The doctor took Ella's own hands and cupped them in front of her mouth and nose. "Hold your breath." Ella did. "Now let it out." After a few minutes, she had helped Ella calm her breathing. She excused herself after telling Emily where to take Ella. The little girl's eyes were filled with tears as Emily led her into the exam room and they waited for the doctor to join them.

"I'm sorry," she said tearfully.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," Emily said softly, embracing the girl, "it's not your fault. You're doing fine." She relaxed her hug but kept her arms around Ella, rubbing her back in small, rhythmic circles. A nurse entered to measure Ella's height, weight, blood pressure, and temperature. When Dr. Grasinger joined them, the little girl was sniffling quietly, her face buried in Emily's sweater.

"Sorry for the wait ladies. I wanted to grab Ella's file so we could have a chat. Let's go to my office." She led Emily and Ella out of the exam room and down the hall to her office where they sat across from one another on two comfortable sofas; Ella curled into Emily's side. "Ella, I wanted to let you know that I spent a little time on the phone this morning with Dr. Davies. She sends her love," she said with a smile. "She tells me that you're quite an amazing kid. I hear you like to read?" Ella nodded, eying the woman with a bit of suspicion. "What's your favorite?"

"Anne of Green Gables," Ella said without hesitation.

"What a great book," the doctor exclaimed, "I always loved the idea of a kindred spirit."

"Me too," Emily interjected with a soft smile gracing her lips. She squeezed Ella's hand reassuringly, trying to encourage the child to open up.

"How do you like it in D.C.?"

"It's nice," Ella said simply.

"What's your favorite thing so far?"

"The hope diamond," Ella said, smiling for the first time.

"Good choice," the doctor answered with a laugh, "you're an ambitious young lady. Have you and your mom found a school yet?" Ella looked up at Emily, who answered.

"We're still looking – but we like Winchester Academy."

"That's the best in the area. They would be lucky to have you. Ella, tell me about your sleep." Ella didn't answer right away and eventually looked to Emily for help.

"Dr. Grasinger, what exactly do you mean?"

"Okay, let's start simpler. How many hours do you sleep?"

"I go to bed at 9:30," Ella answered hesitantly, "and I wake up at 6:30."

"So about 9 hours?" Ella and Emily both nodded. Their conversation continued as Ella, with some prompting and help from Emily, answered questions about her sleep. The doctor eventually turned her questions toward Emily.

"I understand that you'd like to stop the tranquilizers."

"And restraints, if possible," Emily added. She grasped Ella's hand as it slipped into hers.

"We can work on it," Dr. Grasinger said confidently. "I don't like the idea of stopping what's working – but we can go out there and find something else that works. I'm going to suggest that you make two appointments – one with Dr. Anna Schmitt – a respected child psychologist in the area. The other with Megan Gordon. She's a massage therapist who specializes in working with children; especially those suffering from trauma and stress.

"What's trauma?" Ella asked, interrupting.

"When bad things happen and people aren't able to forget it right away," Emily said simply.

"Oh."

"Ella," Dr. Grasinger said, standing and walking to her door, "could you please go with Kate? She's going to find you a lollypop," the doctor said, sending a reluctant Ella with a young nurse.

"How is massage going to help?" Emily asked once they were alone. "She barely allows me to touch her."

"Which is a typical reaction from a child who was sexually or physically abused," the doctor said, "Megan specializes in craniospacial massage therapy, which has been shown to be an emotional stimulus. The things that keep Ella from resting peacefully are things that she doesn't even think about on a day-to-day basis. She may not even know what happened to her as a child; During this type of therapy, those memories may come back."

"And that's a good thing?" Emily asked, horrified at the possibility.

"Unfortunately, it is. The only way she can face her fears is to discover what they are."

"What if she's not ready for what her mind is repressing? That's why Dr. Davies was uncomfortable going down this path," Emily said, remembering the conversation she'd had with Tru.

"It's completely up to you," Dr. Grasinger stated, "but it needs to happen. Better now than later."


	9. Never Done

Thank you so much for the reviews -- it always helps the writing process when you know people are enjoying your story. Please continue to let me know what you think. Thanks! Hope you enjoy!

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Chapter 9 – Never Done

_A man's work is from sun to sun,_

_but a mother's work is never done._

_~Author Unknown_

The week before school began was busy for all involved, but especially for Emily. She was using her day planner more than even studying at Yale had required. She had begun to use two different colored pens to help herself differentiate between her appointments and meetings and Ella's. The days at the beginning of the week were jam packed with everything that needed to be done before school; doctor's visits, school shopping, and taking entrance exams. Although she hadn't been the one taking the tests, Emily had been more apprehensive than Ella – who of course soared above expectations in every subject.

Once they fell into a comfortable rhythm, Emily found herself discovering new and horrible problems to contemplate. Three weeks after they met, her mind spent a horrific night cataloguing all of the terrible consequences of her job. Her leave was almost up; she had to prepare both herself and Ella for the shift in circumstances. After a sleepless night, she realized they needed to have a very important discussion.

"Ella, could you come in here?" Emily called from the den. Ella appeared a minute later, a book in hand. She looked at Emily expectantly. Emily patted the stool next to her desk and waited for Ella to sit. "Sweetheart, you know what I do at work, right?"

"JJ and Dr. Evans said you catch the bad guys."

"I do. And it's not always easy. I have to be extra careful. And sometimes I need to protect myself. Or other people who need my help. And so I carry a gun," Emily finished simply, moving to pull it out of the nearby drawer. She placed it on the polished mahogany desk and watched Ella's delayed reaction. She scooted ever so slightly away from the gleaming black metal and looked at Emily, not understanding where this conversation was going.

"You never saw me with it because I was on vacation in Pennsylvania. And I'm on vacation now, but not for much longer. And when I go back to work, I have to wear this every day. I don't want you to be afraid. Well," she interrupted herself. "That's not entirely true." Ella's eyes grew big but she continued to listen. "I want you to be afraid of guns because anyone with any sense at all is afraid of guns. Do you know why?"

"They can hurt you," Ella answered in a whisper.

"They can hurt you very badly. They can kill you. But if they're respected and used properly, they can help people too. And I don't want you to be afraid when I have to carry my gun. Does that make sense?" Ella nodded but Emily saw that she was still looking at the gun. "Okay," she said, breathing deeply and trying to hide the uncertainty in her voice. She knew she needed to handle this now so she didn't have to worry about it constantly. Emily was finding that there was a lot that worried her now that she had a nine-year-old in her life.

Gently, she took Ella's hands in her own and together they picked up the gun. She allowed Ella to feel it, touch it, and explore it. Hopefully it would quell any future curiosity. She pulled away her hands and allowed Ella to feel the weight of the unloaded gun on her own. Eventually, the young girl carefully placed it back on the desk.

"How does it feel?"

"Heavy. And Scary," Ella answered truthfully. Emily nodded before she pulled the small girl into a hug.

"That is because you are very intelligent. And you understand what that gun could mean to someone. It's not something to take lightly. And so we move on to our first rule." She guided Ella back to the stool so they were sitting across from one another and their eyes could meet. "I'm not big on rules; I think you've noticed that." Ella nodded. "I suppose we'll sort of figure them out together. But the rule I'm about to set is non-negotiable. Do you know what that means?"

"It is not going to change."

"Right. The rule is – you don't touch this gun – or any other gun. I need you to promise me that you are never going to touch this gun – or any other gun – without my being with you and giving you permission. Can you promise that?" Ella nodded but realized that Emily wasn't satisfied.

"I promise," Ella said gently.

"Oh good," Emily said in a relieved voice. She had been preparing that conversation for three days. "We'll go out to dinner tonight – in about an hour?" Ella nodded and gave Emily a quick peck on the cheek before taking her book and disappearing from the room.

Leaning back against her chair, Emily let out a sigh of relief; this was much more stressful than she'd anticipated. Ella made it worthwhile, but her gentle nature made Emily even more protective.


	10. Keeping the Monsters at Bay

Thank you -- those of you who are such loyal reviewers. I truly appreciate it -- and it helps the writing flow faster. I hope you continue to enjoy the story -- again, I always look forward to reading your reviews.

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Chapter 10 Keeping the Monsters at Bay

The morning was fun. Pure and simple fun. Emily and Ella giggled though manicures, pedicures, and a very strange facial. Emily had made certain ahead of time that they didn't use any chemicals on Ella's skin. Apparently that left only fruit. Ella couldn't stop giggling when she discovered that her face was covered with avocado and strawberries. After the facials, the two ladies were led back to a private room of the spa. The room was cool and dimly lit with a light scent of lavender running through the air and classical music being piped through unseen speakers.

Emily helped Ella climb up onto the table that dominated the center of the room. The little girl sat and Emily stood so they were on eye level with one another. Emily took her hands and held them between her own.

"I know you want to try this. And I hope it helps. But if there is anything you don't like or any time when you want to stop, you just say the word. Okay?" Ella nodded and allowed Emily to drop a kiss on the top of her head. "You are very brave." She helped Ella slip out of her cotton robe and under the soft cotton sheets. Emily pulled a chair to the side of the table so that she could see Ella's face. They were only alone for another minute before a knock sounded on the door.

"Come in," Emily called. The door opened and they were joined by a petite red-headed woman with a kind smile.

"Good afternoon ladies. I'm happy to meet you. My name is Meg," she said, offering her hand to Emily. "Welcome, Emily. And this must be Ella," she said, meeting Ella's eyes. Meg pulled a short stool next to Emily so she could meet Ella's eyes while they spoke. "Do you understand what we're going to do today?"

"I think so," Emily said honestly.

"Well, that's a start," Meg said cheerfully. "You're going to have your first massage. And your mom is going to stay right here with you. And if at any time you feel pain or you feel like you want to stop, you let me know. You will not hurt my feelings," she emphasized. "Are we agreed?"

"Yep," Ella said. Meg stood and pushed the stool out of her way as she began to prepare. First, she placed a rolled towel under Ella's ankles so she could rest more comfortably. She gently twisted the young girl's hair into a loose knot so that it was out of the way. Ella shivered slightly when her shoulders and neck were bared to the room's air. Meg noticed immediately and pulled the blankets higher. She used a slightly fragrant oil and began to massage Ella's scalp, focusing on the nape of her neck where hard knots had formed.

"You're not breathing, darling. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. In. Out. In. Out." Before long, Ella was breathing normally without being reminded and seemed to enjoy the massage. Once Meg began massaging her lower back, Ella cringed and shuttered but remained silent. Meg looked at Emily, who nodded for her to continue. Emily took Ella's hand and held it firmly, reminding the young child that she was still there. Slowly, the child began to sob. The sound was horrific to Emily; all she wanted was to make it stop; to make Ella's pain magically go away. Meg again looked at Emily but then continued with another nod from the mother.

Emily pulled her chair closer to the table and l laid her head close to Ella's. "It's okay," she whispered reassuringly. "You're safe here. Cry as much as you need." Emily continued to whisper reassurances as she held Ella's hands and listened to her cry in loud, painful wails. Meg continued her careful ministrations until the crying tapered off and the young girl's breathing returned to normal.

"I'm going to give you a few minutes. Drink lots of water," Meg admonished before quietly creeping from the room. After helping Ella sit, Emily opened a bottle of cold Evian that had been left for them and persuaded the child to drink. She then sat next to her and wrapped her arms around her.

"Are you okay?"

"I think so. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cry."

"Don't ever apologize for feeling what you feel. It happens. We can't control it. You need to let go, sweetheart. That's the only way you can move on. I know it's hard – but this is a good first step. Are you okay to continue? Or do you want to stop for today?"

"We can finish," Ella said bravely.

"Okay," Emily agreed, smiling softly. "And remember – cry if you need to, do whatever you need to do." When Meg returned, she had Ella flip over and began to massage her chest and arms. Again, they were fine until she reached Ella's abdomen. Ella yelped and began to cry again, this time not as deeply.

Ella was quiet through the rest of her massage and even sighed contently a few times, a sign they all took to be positive. Once finished, Meg wrapped her back up in the warm blankets and patted her gently on the shoulder. "Take as much time as you need. It was a pleasure working with you today, Ella. I hope to see you again soon."

Emily kissed Ella's forehead and whispered, "You did wonderfully. I will be right back," before following Meg into the hallway. "Thank you," she said as she reached to once more shake the woman's hand.

"No need," Meg said kindly. "She did a great job."

"Is that normal, so much crying?"

"It is," Meg answered, "and I'm certain that is what her doctor hoped would happen – and will continue to happen. The techniques I use are called ******Cranio Sacral Therapy and Emotional Release Therapy. Both have been proven to work wonders with children who have been through abuse or other traumatic events. It helps release the stress and pain that builds up over time."**

**"****Would you consider taking her on as a regular patient? I need to speak with her pediatrician and therapist, but I really think today helped."**

**"****I would be happy to continue working with you and Ella. You have my numbers. I'll let the receptionist know that you're only to be scheduled to me. The other therapists here are highly qualified—"**

"But you've worked with abused children before."

"I have."

"Then I would be more comfortable seeing you if that's okay."

"Perfectly alright. Ella seems like a great kid. I hope I can help."

"Thank you," Emily said again. "I should get back to her. But I really do appreciate your help."

"I'll see you soon," Meg said with a smile, "take care." Emily reentered the room and found Ella sleeping peacefully. She pulled the button that called for an attendant and arranged to have the room for the rest of the afternoon, or at least until Ella awakened. Three hours she slept without a terror or even a cry. Emily sat nearby, watching; hoping to keep the monsters at bay.


	11. Missing Assignments

Chapter 11

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"Emily?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"Do you have a mother?" Emily looked up from her paperwork and at Ella, who was sitting at her own desk in the den, completing her homework. It was a month into school and the two had fallen into a comfortable rhythm; homework was done immediately when Ella came home, giving them ample time to spend together each evening.

"Yes," she answered simply.

"What's her name?"

"Elizabeth Marie Prentiss."

"What does she do?"

"She's an ambassador."

"What's that?"

"A politician. She makes decisions and helps people from different countries talk to one another," Emily added, realizing that politician wasn't any clearer than ambassador.

"Is she nice?"

"No. Not really," Emily answered honestly. She set down her pen and continued to observe Ella, who was working diligently through her questions.

"What about your dad?"

"What about him?"

"Do you have one?"

"Yes," Emily answered – stubbornly short with information. "Ella, what's with the sudden interest?

"I have to make a family tree for school," Ella replied, sighing heavily. "I don't have one so I have to use yours. What's your dad's name?"

"Hold on a second. First of all, my family tree is your family tree. And secondly," Emily said, holding up her hand. "This is not how we need to be having this conversation."

"I have to finish!" Ella's frustration was obvious. Emily pulled a chair next to Ella and looked at the papers; it was a fairly involved project. From the looks of it, she needed to create a final poster of some sort. Emily shuffled through the papers and realized that this was not a one-night deal. You were supposed to interview family members and provide pictures and stories.

"When is this due?"

"Tomorrow."

"Ella – when did your teacher give this to you?"

"I don't know," she said grumpily. "It's stupid," she said almost venomously.

"Is it fair to say you've had this assignment for a while?" Ella nodded, her eyes trained on the floor. Emily tilted her chin so the child was looking her in the eye. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wasn't going to do it – it's stupid. But then today Mrs. K said that if I don't do it, I'm going to get a D in English."

"You're not going to get a D in English," Emily said angrily. "And I wish you would have talked to me about this before." Begrudgingly, fuming at every teacher who ever saw fit to assign a family tree, Emily helped Ella fill in the tree with her own family details. It took hours but they finally finished the written portion.

"I need to make a poster," Ella said simply.

"No, you don't," Emily said firmly. "It's time for bed."

"Emily—"

"Ella," Emily interrupted sternly. "You have done as much as you can do in one night. That's going to have to be enough this time. I expect that you never leave a project to the last minute – that is not how we do things. But for this project, you're done." Ella looked like she was going to argue but one glimpse of Emily's expression told her to stop.

Ella prepared for bed, slamming everything in her wake and refusing to speak to Emily. When Emily entered the room to tuck her in, Ella rolled over on her side and faced the wall. "You can be as angry as you want with me," Emily said gently, sitting on the edge of the bed and stroking Ella's hair, "but you know I'm right."

"I'm not angry with you," Ella sniffled.

"You fooled me," Emily said dryly. She rubbed Ella's back and waited for her to roll over and face her. "Tell me why you're angry."

"It was a stupid project."

"So you've said," Emily laughed, attempting to break the tension, "care to elaborate? And don't give me that look," she ordered after seeing Ella's reaction, "I know you know the meaning of elaborate."

"I don't have a whole family. I have you. And I love you. But it's annoying when my teacher argues that I have to have a family. No one has to have a family."

"You're right about that," Emily said soothingly. "And I'm sorry you had to deal with that. But you know people have a difficult time understanding situations that are not like their own. We've discussed this before."

"The whole class laughed."

"What?"

"When she called me a silly girl and said that everyone has a family. They all laughed. Even Sienna," she said, mentioning the little girl who had become her best friend. "But at least she apologized later."

"Oh honey – I'm so sorry," Emily whispered, pulling her arms around the child. "I'm sorry you had a horrible day. I wish I could make them all wonderful. It really sucks that people can be so thoughtless. I know this is hard to imagine, but try not to take it personally. It doesn't mean they don't care about you – they just don't understand." Ella sniffled and snuggled deeper into Emily's embrace. When Emily finally got her settled and sleeping for the night, it was nearly eleven. Exhausted, Emily fell to her sofa with a large sigh. She had always considered herself tough; now that she had a child, she wasn't so sure.

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Emily sat outside the headmistress's office, griping her purse and having flashbacks to her own childhood. She and most of her headmistresses became to know one another well; simply because Emily had a difficult time keeping it to herself when she thought something was wrong. Authority figures preferred not to be corrected by children; Emily had never abided by that rule. She waited for fewer than three minutes before being welcomed into the office.

"Good morning, Agent Prentiss," Mrs. Heart said kindly, "You remember Mrs. Kallubree," she said, indicating a woman who was already seated in the office.

"Of course," Emily answered. "Good morning." She shook hands with both women with a bright smile before continuing. "Thank you for seeing me on such short notice."

"We understand that a job like yours doesn't always allow for flexibility. We like to help in any way we can," the headmistress answered. "Please, have a seat. Can I get you something to drink?" Emily shook her head.

"Thank you. I'm fine."

"You mentioned in your phone call that something is bothering Ella. Let's start there."

"As you know," Emily began, "I adopted Ella only two months ago. She's had a traumatic childhood. It's amazing that she's as well adjusted as she is. In some areas, she's extremely sensitive. Understandably, she was upset and uncomfortable about a family tree project they were completing in class."

"She refused to complete the project," Mrs. Kallubree said snappishly.

"But you see," Emily returned gently, "in her mind that was the only way she knew to avoid a potentially painful situation. I have already explained to her that is not the way to do things. But I did call yesterday morning in hopes that Ella could complete an alternative assignment."

"And I explained to Ms. Prentiss that the family tree is a large part of our fall curriculum," Mrs. Kallubree interjected.

"I don't want her to be excused from the work," Emily clarified in a voice that was bordering on frustration, "but isn't there an alternative? Can she create a fictional family tree? Or use one from a book? She loves the Little House on the Prairie books. What if she used that family to create her tree?

"We can't make an exception because one child doesn't want to do the work," Mrs. Kallubree retorted stubbornly.

"Amanda," the headmistress said sternly. "Agent Prentiss is not asking because Ella doesn't want to complete the project. She does not have a family tree that she knows of. Can you imagine that? Imagine being 9 years old and not having a family to trace. Now, we're talking about the emotional welfare of a child. I expect you to come up with a fair alternative."

Emily left that morning with a feeling of relief but also a burden of worry; she hoped she hadn't turned Ella's teacher into even more of a nemesis. If she had, she would simply deal with it in the same way; she couldn't allow Ella to be upset by something as flexible as a school assignment.


	12. All Work and No Play

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Chapter 12

"Are you almost ready, Ella?" The child was visibly nervous; it was the first day Emily was going back to work. Dressed in a dark suit, sharp heels, and a dark red blouse, Emily felt more put-together than she had since JJ's wedding. She sat in the living room waiting for her daughter to exit the bathroom.

"I think I'm sick," Ella said softly as she appeared in the hallway.

"You're not sick," Emily replied, her expression firm but kind, "You're worried. And that's okay for now – but you're not sick." She went to the child and knelt before her. "I know you're worried – but I have to go back to work. There are people who need me."

"I need you," Ella said sorrowfully.

"And I will always be here for you," Emily said with a gentle laugh, "but I have to work. Just like you have to go to school. I promise you, everything is going to be fine."

"What if you have to go away?"

"You know what happens if I have to go away," Emily reminded her, "so you tell me."

"Aunt Penelope will come and pick me up from school," Ella said begrudgingly. "And she'll stay with me until you come home."

"It's going to be fine," Emily stressed. "I love you," she said warmly.

"I love you too," Ella whispered, still clearly miserable. Picking up the child's book bag, violin, and her own ready bag, Emily led Ella to the front door. She dropped her off to violin lessons, which for Emily's convenience were before school, and headed to the BAU.

Emily arrived early at the BAU, knowing her desk would be piled with paperwork. Her face broke into a smile when she saw that it was empty; three post-it-notes said "you owe me." The writing was clearly JJ's, Reid's, and Morgan's.

"Thank you," she said when JJ appeared moments later. JJ looked confused and distracted but quickly realized that Emily was referring to the paperwork that had magically been finished,

"No problem."

"What's up?"

"I'm sorry Em, I know you want to stick close for a while but I think we're going to Arizona. I called everyone to come in early." Emily nodded and followed JJ to the conference room where she began to set out the information. There was a serial killer plaguing Arizona – a serial killer who targeted children. What was worse, he was bragging about it on his very own website.

An hour later, they were wrapping up the briefing – and being dismissed to prepare for the flight to Arizona. "Garcia, you're with us," Hotch said, "this guy has a technology background. We may need you."

"Yes sir," Garcia said uncomfortably, looking at Emily. Emily nodded and waited while the others filed out.

"Sir," she said, "I know this isn't really your problem—"

"But Garcia is staying with Ella when you go out of town," Aaron finished before Emily could even begin. "I realize that. I also need my technology analyst."

"I'm not arguing," Emily said slowly, "but I'm going to be honest. I don't know what to do."

"Haley already agreed to take care of Ella. She doesn't mind – she'll probably like having a girl around."

"Thank you sir," Emily said uncomfortably. "But I'm not sure--"

"—if that's a good idea, considering Ella has special medical considerations," Aaron finished for her again. "I'm a profiler," he said when Emily gave him a strange look. "And I'm also your boss – I sign off on your medical insurance. Which has been particularly busy this quarter. It's none of my business, so I don't know exactly what's wrong, but Haley can handle it. Wheels up in two hours. Now go, do what you need to do."

"Thank you sir," Emily said hoarsely, moving quickly to exit the BAU before she burst into tears. She highly respected Aaron Hotchner; she knew he respected her professionally. It had never occurred to her that he cared enough to worry about her personal life. As she headed toward her SUV, she called Haley Hotchner.

When Emily pulled into her driveway, Haley was already waiting. "Hi," Emily said hurriedly, "I'm so sorry about this. It's so much to ask—"

"It's fine," Haley said with a compassionate smile, "please stop worrying about it. Just show me what I need to know."

"Jack's not with you?"

"Preschool," Haley replied happily, "Two hours of mommy time every day."

"Now I really understand what you mean by that," Emily laughed as she let Haley into her house. "I have instructions that I printed for Garcia. They're in the den. Did Hotch mention that I need you to stay here?" Emily spoke over her shoulder as she headed toward the den and found the folder she needed.

"Ella has night terrors. They're insane compared to nightmares. She has cold sweats, fevers, she screams, cries, thrashes. When she was younger, she had to be rushed to the emergency room a few different times because of injuries that resulted from the terrors."

"Poor Ella," Haley breathed quietly.

"It breaks my heart," Emily said with a nod. "And we're working on finding another solution, but for right now, there is only one way to minimize her chances of being hurt. She has a very strict sleep schedule. It's written down there and she knows the drill; she won't ask to stay up later – she won't want to; she knows what could happen. She also can't be left if she falls asleep on the couch or anywhere else. When she goes to sleep at 9:30, she has to take a light sedative. They're in the kitchen cabinet above the sink." Haley nodded as Emily led her into Ella's room.

"This is her room."

"It's adorable."

"I think she likes it," Emily said with a smile. Her expression switched back into serious mode as she walked over to the bed. She pulled back the comforter and located the restraints, pulling them out so they were visible to Haley. "She has to be restrained," Emily said carefully. "I know it seems barbaric, but it's really for her safety."

"Oh my god, Emily. You've been dealing with this all on your own."

"It's really okay. I'm used to it. And she's a great kid. I can't imagine not having her in my life—" she broke off and her eyes met Haley's. "Are you going to be able to do this? No hard feelings if not – I understand it's unnerving."

Haley crossed the room and sat on the bed next to Emily, her lips pursed in thought. "Is it safe?" Emily showed her the alarm release and the monitor that led to a receiver in her room – where Haley and Jack could stay. "I'll do it," Haley said finally. "We'll be fine."

"I don't even know how to thank you—"

"Don't worry about it," Haley said subtly, "is Ella going to be okay with this?"

"Would you mind going to the school with me? I know that she'll recognize you, but I'd feel better if I explained the situation and she saw me with you."

"Lead the way," Haley said calmly. She had in her hands the instructions, keys and codes to get into Emily's home, and many emergency numbers. She had to hide a chuckle; still fresh in her mind was the first time she left Jack. She called the sitter 24 times in a three hour period. The only thing that made her feel less foolish was the fact that Hotch had two under-ranking FBI agents outside the door all night.

Once at the school, Emily showed ID to the secretary and waited with Haley in the hallway while someone went to pull Ella from class. The little girl walked down the hall, talking happily with one of her teachers, until she saw Emily; then she sprinted.

"Everything's fine," Emily said firmly, seeing the panic in Ella's eyes. The little girl hugged her fiercely. "We just need to talk for a minute, okay?" Ella nodded, still clutching Emily's pant leg.

"Agent Prentiss, Mrs. Hotchner, please, use my office," the teacher said kindly. "Ella can show you where it is."

"Thank you," Emily replied, urging her daughter to guide them.

Once there, Emily closed the door, sat on a chair, and pulled Ella to her. "Aunt JJ found a very important case that we need to help solve. I have to go to Arizona." Ella's eyes began to water and Emily gently wiped away the tears with her thumbs. "Look at me," she said tenderly but in a firm tone, "we knew this was going to happen."

"I know," Ella said sadly.

"Things are a little different, though. Aunt Penelope needs to go with me. Mrs. Hotchner –"

"Haley," the other woman interrupted.

"Haley and her son Jack are going to stay with you. Do you remember them?" Ella nodded, sobbing harder and trying to bury her face against Emily. "Ella," Emily said sternly, "you need to calm down. Stop crying." She paused, waiting until the little girl was doing nothing more than sniffling. "Open your eyes and look at me." She did. "Listen to me. I love you. And I will be home as soon as I can be. You need to be good for Haley. Okay?" Ella nodded, wiping away her own tears. Emily looked at her watch; she had less than half an hour to make the twenty minute drive to the BAU.

"You need to go," Haley said knowingly, "Ella and I will hang out here until she's ready to go back to class. We'll be fine," she promised.

"Love you," Emily said one more time, hugging Ella roughly. She left quickly, before she convinced herself to do something that was completely possible at the moment; quit the BAU and become a stay-at-home-mom. When she boarded the plane, she had one minute to spare. Hotch nodded a greeting and then told JJ to let the captain know they were ready.

It was the worst case she had ever worked. Every child looked like Ella. Every sound was a child's cry. Every witness she interviewed was a possible pariah. On the way home two days later, everyone was tired but satisfied; they had caught the man and saved his last three victims. As she sat looking out the window, Emily wondered how many more victims they might have saved if she hadn't needed two hours to prepare for the flight.

"It gets easier." The subtle, calm sound of her superior's voice startled her but she turned toward him, questioning his words with her expression.

"Working the cases. It gets easier. When Haley first found out she was pregnant, I was a mess for weeks. Things went back to normal for a while. But after I held Jack in my arms, I knew they would never be normal again. Slowly, normal changes. You learn to think about the case 100% of the time and still think about your child 100% of the time. I know it's difficult; but I promise you, it does get easier."

Emily nodded slightly and smiled a subdued thanks, wishing she could find more comfort in his words. She had spoken to Ella on the phone four times since she'd left; each time the child had sounded far away and even dejected. Emily had toyed with the idea of bringing something home; a present of sorts. She didn't want to begin the precedent of guilt gifts; that would lead to nowhere positive.

Emily drove her boss to her home, where Haley, Jack, and Ella were just sitting down to dinner. Emily and Aaron joined them in the small feast before the Hotchners left for home. "Thank you again," Emily whispered as she washed the dishes and Haley dried them.

"She's an angel," Haley answered. "I should be thanking you. And I am," she added. "We had a great time. Anytime you need help, please let me know."

"I will," Emily answered thankfully. "Ella loves you. I can tell."

"Ella likes me," Haley corrected her. "She loves you. And god bless you, for what you do for that child."

"She brought a lot more to my life than I could ever hope to give her in return," Emily responded humbly. "It was a good decision." Haley nodded and offered Emily a hug.

"Take care. Get some rest. And I'll try to convince my husband to stay close to home for a while – give you and Ella some time."

"Good luck," Emily said with a laugh. "Have a good night."

"Good night Ella!" Haley called down the hall to where the little girl was playing. She came racing into the living room and threw her arms around Haley.

"Good night! Thanks Haley!

"Anytime sweetheart," Haley responded, hugging the child.

"G'night Jack," Ella said. "Good night Agent Hotchner," she said, smiling widely at Aaron.

"You can call me Aaron," he replied to the small child. Ella looked at Emily, who shrugged from the doorway.

"Apparently you can call him Aaron," she said flippantly, "that's more than I can say!"

"Thank you Aaron," Ella said politely.

"Your're welcome. And goodnight Ella. Prentiss," he said, nodding at Emily.

"Sir," she said in reply. "Good night." Once they were gone, Emily and Ella sat on the living room sofa, snuggling and simply holding onto one another. "Did you have a good time with Haley?" Emily posed the question quietly, without moving her chin from her daughter's head. She stroked Ella's hair repeatedly, lulling the child into a calmer state.

"She's nice," Ella replied. "But I missed you."

"I missed you too," Emily returned. "And now we should have a few days to enjoy before I go back to work Monday. How was school this week?"

"We learned about Jane Goodall," Ella said happily, "she works with chimps in Africa. She lives with them," she finished with a giggle.

"I don't think I could do that," Emily replied, "I couldn't go very long without my nice hot shower and electricity. What do you think?"

"I think the chimps would smell funny. They smell at the zoo – and not a good smell."

"Well, then no living in Africa with the chimps for us," Emily said in a silly voice. "Hey, how was your visit to Dr. Ann on Tuesday?"

"Okay," Ella answered quietly.

"Is that what she would say?"

"I wasn't in the mood to talk. She wasn't happy with me."

"She can't help if you don't talk," Emily reminded her. "What did she want to talk about?"

"The earliest thing I remember," Ella answered in a whisper. Emily squeezed her in a hug and dropped a kiss on her dark brown hair. She stroked the girl's hair as they sat in silence for a several minutes.

"What is your first memory?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Ella whispered.

"My mom was yelling," Emily said suddenly, prompting Ella to look at her strangely. "My mom was yelling," the woman repeated, looking down to meet her daughter's eyes. "That's my first memory. I was in bed and I had a nightmare. We were in France at the time, on my grandfather's estate. I was really scared when I woke up and I forgot where I was. I jumped out of bed and ran down the hall, trying to find my mother. I found her – and she was yelling at my father. Neither one of them paid any attention to me. I snuck back out of the room before they saw me and went back to my room. I laid awake all night; afraid to go to sleep in case the nightmare came back." Ella snuggled into Emily's embrace and held her tighter.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I wish your mom was nicer."

"Me too," Emily whispered, "but you don't need to worry about that. I will never let that happen to you. And whatever bad things happened before you came to me, they're not going to happen again; I won't allow it. You're safe now."


End file.
